A common theme in the studies was that people’s perception
of being at risk of HIV decreased when feelings of trust grew in relationships. Condoms
were more acceptable in casual relationships that were not characterised by
expectations of commitment or fidelity. Abandoning condoms could mark the transition
from a casual or transactional relationship to one
based on love, trust, and commitment. As condom use was understood to reflect
mistrust and suspicions of affairs, it was particularly problematic within
marriage.
A Zimbabwean man said to one group of researchers:
“One may use them
[condoms] when you have sexual contact with a lover for the first time, but
later on people tend to stop using them because of the trust. Love is about
trust and if one continues to insist on the use of condoms, then no love
exists.”
Some respondents reported on insisting on condom use to
‘punish’ their partner, when they thought the partner was being unfaithful or
because they were otherwise dissatisfied. This might be for a short period of time
before things went back to normal.
People’s perceptions of HIV risks, especially women’s
perceptions, were heavily influenced by their partners’ suspected or actual
behaviour. This could make people feel safer or more vulnerable. A Kenyan woman
told researchers:
“[HIV] is something I
knew was there and I could get it at any time … because I know my status but I
don’t know his status. I don’t know his sexual behaviour. I just know my sexual
behaviour.”
A number of Ugandan women taking part in a PrEP study felt
that trying to protect their health was futile without the support,
co-operation, or fidelity of their partner. They felt that surrendering to the
inevitability of HIV would be more feasible than sticking with PrEP:
“I began to suspect he
is seeing other women… is he sleeping with other women so he can acquire more
infection and pass it on to me? [This makes me] so angry that I feel it's
useless to keep taking this medicine. Because of that, I decided to
leave it.”
A common theme was that a decision to use an HIV prevention
intervention is not simply down to the individual. Most interventions are
difficult to use covertly.
Respondents reported male resistance to
interventions, limiting their use and leaving women to decide whether to insist
on intervention use or risk ending a relationship. It was commonly reported that women would want to use some
form of prevention but were discouraged or were not allowed to. Reports of men
resisting or sabotaging condoms and refusing HIV testing were common.
A
Ghanaian woman said:
“What can you do to
prevent your husband from infecting you with AIDS? Are you going to buy the
female condom and insert it while sleeping every night?… It is rather the man
who can prevent it but if he doesn’t like using condoms, then there is little
you can do to prevent yourself from being infected.”
While HIV prevention may be important, other priorities,
like preserving a relationship, earning money or being a good parent may be more valued at certain times in a person’s life. In trying
to negotiate or insist on condom use, women might risk upsetting or losing
their partner. In some instances the certainty of an argument, break up, loss
of material support or violence could have a more immediate impact than the
more abstract prospect of an infection.
A Zimbabwean woman described the difficult balance between
wanting to be safe and wanting
to be loved:
“I asked my boyfriend
to go for an HIV test together with me, but he is reluctant. He keeps on
postponing, which is a sign that he does not want. Now he appears to have lost
interest in me because I have said no to sex before being tested. Now, if all
men are like that, what do I do?”
More encouragingly, the researchers found that some prevention
interventions had positive symbolic meaning in certain contexts, making them
more desirable. Voluntary male medical circumcision was seen by some men as a
‘responsible choice’, a ‘symbol of commitment’ and reflected maturity and
commitment to future partners, making them more desirable as partners. Its value
as an HIV prevention tool was secondary to its perceived hygiene, cleanliness,
and sex appeal. One Malawian man said:
“I did not want to be
a subject of discussion, so I decided to yank it out [get circumcised]. Now I
am happy that I don’t really have to worry about embarrassment [of being
uncircumcised].”
Similarly, a supportive relationship motivated some couples
to seek HIV testing, despite the potential risks to the relationship of testing
positive. Being tested together and receiving negative results could strengthen
a couple’s trust and love.